Tough decision - that is now not final

By the way, I wrote this post this morning, but this are now back in limbo. We haven't heard from the foster family and my parents have offered to consider taking him for us until we get a house. So now I have to talk more with my parents to discuss this possibility and that will give us a chance to work with Banjo more on his separation anxiety.

After a week with Banjo, I realized that this apartment setting is not the right fit for him. I think he would be better off in a home on a less busy street - the apartment has too many distractions that have only exacerbated his separation anxiety. I have been trying to do everything possible to transition him and to deal with this issue, but I recognize that me being so stressed and being the one that has a schedule conducive to taking the dog on walks and having training sessions means that we are not the right fit for one another.

I feel like a failure even though I know I did my best. I know that in the future I will know what specific questions to ask and I will know a ton more about training and socializing and counter conditioning and desensitizing. I haven't been dealing with this decision well because it was an extremely difficult decision to give him up, but it's better for the both of us.

I found out some things about myself through this past week, which I'm not going to share with anyone but myself. Banjo brought some great joy into my life and has been a great companion over this past week, but this is not the right environment for him. This past week has seemed like an eternity and it felt like so much in my life fell apart. I felt alone in all of it, even though several of you were offering ideas and suggestions.

It hurts so much knowing that you're done your best to make sure something works out and you've poured your whole heart into it only to discover you can't make it work out. Banjo is a great dog and if we had a house and lived on a not-so-busy street, this could have worked out differently. It sucks big time. It's going to be really embarrassing if I start crying when we part ways. It's been bad enough over the past couple of days.