Major accomplishment

I did what I said I was going to: get the invitations in the mail on Monday.  Today is Monday and those invitations are in the mail.  Phew! 

I had a panic attack last Monday night and made a trip to Michaels at 7:30pm (making back just in time for Castle).  I got half of the stuff I needed to make invitations.  I continued on with the panic attack the following night with a trip to Target for the remainder of supplies.  I got some pimples on my face from all the stressing out about it (which drew even more attention to my large forehead - but I was too busy freaking out to notice).  Then I cut and printed, cut and printed, designed and printed, and cut and cut and cut...(it keeps going). 

I spent the majority of this weekend putting everything together, and it took me up until 10:30pm last night to get everything done, but I did it and it was a wonderful feeling.  It was also a major sense of accomplishment for me to design everything and put everything together by my goal date (that's one of the only things I've done on time and it felt damn good). 

Look for the invitations in the mail.  I realized after putting them in the mailbox a block away that I maybe should have had each weighted to make sure one stamp would do it...so my apologies if you end up having to pay a little bit or if the invites are delayed because they get sent back to me (at least it will give you plenty of laughs).

FYI - I've become what I didn't want to be: the bride that talks about her wedding all the time.  The problem is that's basically all I'm doing!

Holy crap - our wedding day is about three months away!

I finally got my butt in gear and really started organizing my thoughts about our wedding.  I needed some pressure before I finally got into "Let's get this planned" mode, but now that I'm here, I'm pretty excited!  I love lists (because I love the satisfied feeling I get when I cross stuff off) and I started lists of everything Chris and I need to do as soon as possible, as well as stuff that can be hammered out a little later.  I feel so much better now that all the thoughts swimming around in my head are now down on paper.  It helps me organize and feel a little bit more in control. 

I took my wedding ring into the jeweler last week for repairs - my mom gave me my Great Great Aunt's ring to use as my wedding ring and I couldn't be more excited about it!  Plus I finally took my dress in to get dry cleaned before I take it to the tailor on Tuesday (I figured she'd probably appreciate working with a clean dress - hee hee). 

Our next big decisions: specific time for the wedding and catering.  I'm also finally starting to really work on decorations.  I'm going to look at fabric next week for tablecloths and Chris and I are going to make a stop on the way down to his parents' to look at plants tomorrow.  I also found out about a big sale at the U in late April for the kinds of plants I'm looking for.  Let's see if I can take off some time from work to actually go!

One thing I really want to have for our wedding is something I've made for myself.  I started working on a shawl last week - I fell in love with the pattern the minute I saw it.  I hope I can get it done before the wedding! 

This post was much more positive than my last one - I got my portion of the crappy project done since then and finished my portion of the other project done.  Now I'm making great progress in rebuilding our budget applications.  I really wish I could have taken your advice Jamie...

Case of the blehs

I should not be writing at the moment because I feel frustrated.  I can't seem to focus on anything and I haven't been sleeping great the past few weeks.  The main issue is work.  A piece of the issue is that I have three major projects going on right now and each one seems to take more time than I anticipate.  Because each of those projects has a deadline of ASAP, I'm feeling a lot of pressure and I haven't figured out quite how to deal with it yet.  For the past couple weeks, I've been bringing work home with me because there never seems to be enough time during the day to do them. 

One thing that really irks me is one of the major projects is a new initiative at a time when we already don't have enough people to do the work we're currently doing, and it's a project that's not going to provide much benefit.  A group of us objected several times, but one of the higher ups (who has no concept of how time-consuming this project is) said to do it, so we have to do it.  One of my team members said long ago there's no point in fighting it and after several attempts, I finally accepted that.  But what I can't accept is the fact that my opinion doesn't matter.  Everything we said was listened to and without a moment's hesitation, we were told what we needed to do next to push the project forward.  I finally understand why so many don't bother speaking up anymore.  It may not be worth the frustration and effort.

The main issue weighing on my mind is that even though I'm busting my ass on these projects, there's still a chance I may lose my job in 2010 or 2011.  The Governor's proposed cuts to local government aid means there are many jobs on the cutting block.  It's the nature of government work I guess.  I just wish everyone in my division cared about the quality of their work and exceeded the minimum expectations.  If the bare minimum is all they are willing to do, maybe it's time to raise the bar. 

What I need to remember is that I'm lucky enough to still have a job right now.  I am grateful for that.  I hope I can find my sanity again someday soon.  What I really needed was to vent so thanks for listening to my whining and bitching.