Lots of new yarn!!!

I've been looking on Craigslist often to see if I can get good deals on yarn. I've gotten really good deals lately between someone selling some needles and a couple of small skeins of yarn and someone selling mostly parts of random skeins and some full ones. I'm hoping to get a bunch from another person this weekend.

I haven't had much inspiration lately for new projects and this influx of new yarn is getting me in the mood to try out new patterns. Not being inspired also had its perks: I finished almost all my unfinished projects, and I even started working on tucking in the yarns from the Christmas stockings (there's a lot of work to be done there!). I had promised myself before that I wasn't going to get any new yarn before working through what I had, but some promises to myself are meant to be broken.

Hooray for new yarn!

Allergy season is here

My throat is sore and I've coughed up my right lung already, which can only mean only thing: the beginning of allergy season. Although having a sore throat sucks and coughing a lot really sucks, it's kinda fun to have a baritone voice for a couple of days. Plus I get some sympathy points from various people :)

Switching topics, this weekend was really fun because my parents came down for a visit! My dad hadn't seen our apartment yet and they even brought Pokey so she could meet Banjo. My parents brought me down my plant stand and some more plants along with our Easter basket (which I've mostly finished already because I've had intense chocolate cravings). I've been wanting to see my parents for some time, but then when I was supposed to go up there, we ended up getting Banjo and we're planning on going up there Memorial Day weekend.

I think Pokey and Banjo got along quite well, until Chris came back and Banjo was being protective of him. But I took it as a good sign that Pokey was allowed to sniff around Banjo's stuff and even drink out of Banjo's bowl. It will be fun for Banjo to play around on Pokey's turf, as long as Pokey doesn't show Banjo where the "good stuff" is.

I've made some progress with Banjo too. In the mornings, Banjo has had no interest in going outside until he's ready (he's definitely not a morning dog). On Monday morning, I was kind of frustrated, so I started packing my lunch. Banjo came into the kitchen when he smelled the open peanut butter jar. I gave him a little after puting on my shoes and a little after putting on his leash. He was still a bit reluctant to move towards the door, but quickly warmed to the idea when I opened the door. Then this morning, I was making my lunch again and Banjo wandered into the kitchen, so I quickly and calmly swooped down and put his leash on without him growling at me. That is huge! I only hope that this becomes a trend, even if I do have to lure him every so often.

Pictures of Banjo

Things are going better

After this weekend's emotional rollercoaster, I'm feeling better. I don't feel stressed out anymore (which was the major issue last week) and I feel like we can manage everything now. I knew that having a dog would change things, but I never expected to need transition time (naive I know). I grew up with a dog, even though it was Daddy's girl.

It seems like Banjo's settling in more. Chris and I have been working on trying to desensitize him from us leaving. We've also been trying different yummy stuff to get him excited about us leaving and we've started closing certain shades so he doesn't get as rattled by squirrels or people walking by. I got a few more books by Patricia McConnell, one specifically for separation anxiety which I devoured as soon as it arrived (I got a migraine last night that carried on through today so I was around all day). Banjo really liked me staying home - he didn't even flinch when Chris left and he basically slept all day.

Anyway, I was excited to see Harley sniff Banjo just a little bit without jumping back, so hopefully that means he's getting just a tad bit more used to him. I'm greatly looking forward to the day when both of them can freely hang out in the apartment together. Speaking of which, Banjo is a resource guarder - he will growl if he sees another dog even thinking about sniffing his food dish and he's growled at us for trying to take really great treats or toys from him (we won). I think I'm going to call The K9 Coach soon who have worked with Banjo's families before.

I'm apparently all over the place

Today has been a crazy day. I started out being depressed about Banjo and then realizing I had to think positively about the decision to give Banjo up even though every time I thought about it I got extremely sad. I got progressively better throughout the day because we were having a lot of fun with him, playing and him generally being silly. It seems like every couple of days we've been finding new ways to play with me (meaning he's playing with his wide array of toys). Today it was tug-of-war with the rope bone. He was even fetching, which is kind of rare for him.

We were both feeling crappy about the situation and then some things happened: the foster family didn't call until about 5pm and my mom called to say that they would consider taking care of him until we would get a house. You really surprise me sometimes Mom because that would be an incredibly amazing thing for you to do, and I greatly greatly appreciate it!

Gina and Perry came over this afternoon to hang out since it's been far too long since we've seen them, and we spent the afternoon eating, watching movies and playing Wii. I also had a good talk with Kim which made me feel better (so thank you). I'm going to call the foster family again either tomorrow or Tuesday to discuss the situation with Banjo and to see if they can provide any more resources for us to deal with the separation anxiety. Chris and I are going to work with Banjo more about varying routines and desensitizing and counter conditioning our leaving for work. I'm really hopeful that this week will be less stressful than last. I can't believe how much of an emotional rollercoaster this past week has been though. Crazy times. I can only hope that we're providing Banjo with a good home because that's the main thing I'm concerned about.

By the way, I have been feeling extremely vulnerable talking about our adventures with Banjo because there are times when things are up and down and all around, but most of the time Chris is the only one that sees it. So I hope I'm coming across as just human and not super crazy human. No smartass comments daddYman!

Tough decision - that is now not final

By the way, I wrote this post this morning, but this are now back in limbo. We haven't heard from the foster family and my parents have offered to consider taking him for us until we get a house. So now I have to talk more with my parents to discuss this possibility and that will give us a chance to work with Banjo more on his separation anxiety.

After a week with Banjo, I realized that this apartment setting is not the right fit for him. I think he would be better off in a home on a less busy street - the apartment has too many distractions that have only exacerbated his separation anxiety. I have been trying to do everything possible to transition him and to deal with this issue, but I recognize that me being so stressed and being the one that has a schedule conducive to taking the dog on walks and having training sessions means that we are not the right fit for one another.

I feel like a failure even though I know I did my best. I know that in the future I will know what specific questions to ask and I will know a ton more about training and socializing and counter conditioning and desensitizing. I haven't been dealing with this decision well because it was an extremely difficult decision to give him up, but it's better for the both of us.

I found out some things about myself through this past week, which I'm not going to share with anyone but myself. Banjo brought some great joy into my life and has been a great companion over this past week, but this is not the right environment for him. This past week has seemed like an eternity and it felt like so much in my life fell apart. I felt alone in all of it, even though several of you were offering ideas and suggestions.

It hurts so much knowing that you're done your best to make sure something works out and you've poured your whole heart into it only to discover you can't make it work out. Banjo is a great dog and if we had a house and lived on a not-so-busy street, this could have worked out differently. It sucks big time. It's going to be really embarrassing if I start crying when we part ways. It's been bad enough over the past couple of days.

Stressed out, but hopefully dealing with it

Banjo has separation anxiety. I wouldn't be stressed about it if either he wasn't so loud of a howler or if we didn't have immediate neighbors. No one has complained yet, and we made sure to give everyone all of our numbers in case there was an issue. We've made it very easy to contact us about anything. He loves the long walks in the morning, although that little stinker has actually gone back to bed the past two mornings until I got him out of bed with a treat. Once he gets on the leash, he realizes we're going outside and he starts waking up.

I have truly been enjoying our long walks in the morning. When I say long, I mean about 45 minutes and usually it's a walk/jog. I may stop enjoying them once it starts raining and I have to take him out, but for now, I'm soaking it up. I've also liked walking him before bed because I really like the smell at night.

So the reason I'm stressed is because I don't know that I can learn enough about how to training him (and us) and get him over the separation anxiety before people start complaining. After finishing this post, we're going to do some exercises with him. I've been reading several articles and the recommended books about positive training and being a pack leader. We will work a lot with Banjo this weekend to hopefully make next week go more smoothly. The good thing is that Banjo how has several distinct barks, not just howling. I think that suggests he's settling in and understanding our routine a bit more.